It wasn’t a head first dive, but
a rather graceful twist. My body turned mid-air until my back was facing the
ground and my eyes were grazing the clouds. I spread my arms out and savoured
the sensation of moving air currents slipping in between my fingers. My mind
was a pure blank slate, suspended in a state of default just waiting to be
filled with new impulses.
The first of
these impulses came in the form of realisation, the realisation that I wasn’t
falling. The second impulse was that the darkness wasn’t closing in on me. The
third was a pleasant sensation. This sensation began deep in the back of my
mind, quickly it picked up speed moving from one neuron to another, one atom to
the next until my whole body vibrated with an acute pleasantness.
I
stayed suspended like that for what seemed like an eternity, but couldn’t have
been more than a few seconds. Every tiny shift in the wind, every ray of sunlight
was absorbed into my humming body. I felt an absolute connection with the
world. The confusion that had gripped me for the past few days cleared like a
bad storm.
My dreams weren’t just idle constructions of my subconscious, they were clear messages. The Earth was speaking to me. She was the mother that had created all that we know today. Once, long ago, she had been revered and pacified. People sacrificed to her spirit, they chanted her name and danced to her rhythm. Now her mighty body is being defaced by the very creatures who have survived off of her for centuries. Machines are being built to scar her, drills are being deployed to pierce her and poisons are emitted to suffocate her.
With
all of this information my mind began to go into overdrive. Images upon images
of atrocities flashed before my eyes. A deep sadness washed over me only to be
replaced by a burning anger. Searing hot rage gripped me, twisting my heart
into agonising contortions. I pushed myself up on the currents of my rage and
felt the liquid darkness swirl around me. It was there, right there. All the pent
up rage of the Earth was just swirling in mid-air waiting to be absorbed and
utilized.
Slowly
I breathed in. I felt it seep into my pores. I took another deep breath, not
just with my lungs, but with my whole being. The darkness billowed around me,
drawn in by my body. It was waiting for that final push, the final surrender—it
needed to be sure that I had understood her plight and that I was willing to
help.
I
let my soul go and it all came rushing into me. Mass after mass of broiling
blackness merged itself with my body. As it settled inside me my feet touched
the ground. Ripples of darkness swam under the translucent surface of my skin.
I kept my arms outstretched and my head thrown back whilst my heart pumped
furiously to accommodate such sheer power. It skipped one beat, than two and I
struggled to keep it together. If I couldn’t hold onto this then my whole body
would be ripped apart. I dropped down to my knees and took a shuddering breath.
I could feel the silky liquid occupying my lungs, preventing me from breathing.
I struggled again to inhale a mouthful of air, but my body rejected it.
Grabbing onto my throat I began to panic until a soothing voice trickled out of
my mind; you don’t need to breathe, you
are air, you are life.
I stopped
struggling and concentrated completely on that voice. I had heard its
whisperings before, but only now was I able to acknowledge it as coming from
another source other than myself. I was air. I was embodied by the Earth’s rage
and I shared in her power. I placed one fist onto the ground and pushed myself
up onto one knee. I was life. I was embodied by the Earth’s vengeance and I
shared in her strength. I pushed against my bended knee with both hands and
rose up slowly until my face was once again turned up to the sky. I closed my
eyes and let the sunlight play over my eyelids. Where once I could feel the
rise and fall of my chest and identify it as a source of life, I now felt the
pulsating rhythm of ebony hate.
After
a few moments I felt it ever so subtly ebb away. I felt my lungs regain control
of the air around me, but I now knew that it was a trivial thing, something I
could do without. The darkness also began to recede from the surface of my
skin, leaving my arms a pale pink. I watched in wonder, with my eyes and my
inner self as it slithered and settled in the base of my soul. Instinctively I
knew that it wasn’t out of reach, if I probed it with my thoughts it would stir
like a caged animal. Right at this moment though I didn’t need its fury, I had
no enemies before me—no foes to destroy.
I
looked around, seeing the landscape come into focus for the first time. It was
bleak and grey and I grimaced in disgust. Why would anyone want to grind rocks
and re-mould them into slabs of identical grey concrete? I made my way through
the monotone maze of blocks until I could see the roof of my building. It also
inspired a wretched feeling in my gut, but I had to go back there. I had to
continue life as I had left it, simply because of the fact that I needed to
adjust. I wanted with all my might to run in the opposite direction, to run to
a field full of lush green grass and the sound of lapping water, but I wouldn’t
know what to do once I got there.
Small glimmers of knowledge had revealed
themselves to me, but they were just the beginning.
No comments:
Post a Comment